I am in a slump on my spiritual journey at the moment. It’s OK, it happens, but I have become undisciplined. I have learned various techniques over the years to shed lingering emotions and return to a balanced flowing state. When I don’t use these disciplines as part of my daily life, I can see "the monster" start to take hold again. How it’s felt for me is a general apathy, I can feel my body tense and become painful. I want to do activities that don’t benefit me such as watching TV and eating unhealthy food. I have also slacked on my blog posts.
I realised today that writing about the failings on ones journey is just as important as writing about the benefits and what happens when things go as they should. Like I’ve said in my blogs before, I’ve failed many times, been told off by my teacher and had to get back up and keep fighting. The spiritual path is a tough one and it takes commitment. I’m at a stage where I’ve seen glimpses of balanced states of being (which are wonderful and enjoyable), but I’m still prone to falling back into my old habits.
I would say that one of my biggest stuck emotions was anger. It was always there, bubbling beneath the surface, waiting for someone to trigger me so I could get all fired up about whatever the situation dictated.
One of my greatest achievements on this journey has been the loss of that. A few people close to me have noticed it, which is all the reward I need.
What I’ve noticed is losing that anger gives me a moment of space or clarity between being triggered and responding. Of course I still get angry but these days I find it much easier to choose how I react. Now it is way more likely that I will go and express that anger and return to balance.
Let’s talk about anger for a moment. What a raw emotion it is. No wonder it can be scary, either when we are subject to it or acknowledge it within ourselves. When we are in that state it can take control of our whole body and mind. What we are feeling here is a big flow of “Fire Chi” energy. By continuously suppressing (and not Expressing) our anger, our flow of fire chi can become blocked. This is when it can become “explosive” and this is quite a dangerous state to be in. Because fire chi is so powerful, it can lead us to some extremely damaging actions. When it finally gets to the point of breaking through our suppression and we literally see red, we have lost control. We become like a maniac, spitting out that rage at anyone around us and causing no end of appalling consequences.
You may be one of those people that can control their anger or feel simply that you are not an angry person. I’m glad for you, but a word of warning, unexpressed anger like all emotions can remain inside us and start to poison our energetic and physical selves. It can seep out in many forms such as sarcasm, irritability, being overcritical or even always being late for appointments!! You may not recognise this as anger but it is.
You see, anger like all emotions is PERFECTLY NATURAL. It is highly unlikely that a person will go through their lives and not face situations that has caused them deep anger. The trouble is that emotions like anger have been labelled as “toxic” and “negative” and it is mostly frowned upon when people express them. I would say that this is largely because when we are expressing our emotions we often unfortunately choose to aim it AT someone else. This perpetuates the cycle, we hurt someone else, end up feeling bad ourselves and the chain of unexpressed emotions continues.
The reason I included the year 2020 in the title is as follows. It would seem that this year has been scary and frustrating for so many. I wanted to see my friends and go on holiday, things that I took for granted and currently cannot do. I am angry about it!! I believe it would be foolish to pretend that I am not. I also believe that is the explanation for the energetic slump I have been feeling of late. I am angry and frustrated and I have not yet faced those emotions and expressed them.
Just because I have gotten rid of the bulk of my old emotions that caused me to be angry, it does not mean that I will never have to express anger again. All of this emotional release work is a CONSTANT practice to keep our energies and emotions clear and flowing.
Doing this consistently really does have great benefits. I do intend to teach the methods I have learned at some point. For now, just consider whether you are angry about something, it could be anything, old or new. Find a moment and express that anger! Hit a pillow, scream into your hand or just say out loud how fucking angry you are. When you are done take a nice long sigh and come back into your body.
Did you do it? How do you feel now? Alright just keep doing that!
Please stay emotionally and physically well in this most trying of times.
With love from Paul.
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