Narcissism

I am simultaneously writing an article “What is Spirituality” where I say that those who are unbalanced and in control of the monster are suffering, and cause suffering to those around them. I also say in the above blog that not labelling things is part of my spiritual disciplines and I am acutely aware that “Narcissism” is a label.

I tend to look at things now in terms of energy and emotions. All I would say is that those who are labelled narcissists are energetically unbalanced and in complete control of the monster.

See “The Monster”

You see I have been unfortunate enough to have acquired two colleagues at my job who are such people. A husband and wife incidentally. The misery that these two have caused is quite literally unfathomable. I have felt pushed to my absolute maximum capabilities in terms of keeping balanced and open.

You see, I would certainly say that the monster/ ego is the absolute source of evil. It is a real force in the world and I have continuously seen the face of it this year at work.

I have often had to express my emotions about this. I am ashamed to say that these people scare me, so fear has been a big one. It is not an easy emotion to get into. A tight, sickly, nervous feeling lodged in the solar plexus area. Fortunately I am feeling a release coming even as I write this paragraph, and I will talk more about releasing in another blog post.

See “Releasing”

Anger is also high up on the list. My teacher has said never make your emotions someone else's problem. So far I have remained professional but my anger at the situation is off the charts. I wish great pain on these people and wouldn’t at all mind inflicting it on them personally, but again this is something I must express and get into thoroughly. I can totally understand why others may take a different approach, and seek revenge.

I must not allow this post to become a way to get things off my chest, this also would contravene my disciplines as my teacher has said to me time and again to express the emotions. And boy have I. I sometimes wonder if it has been enough. Every week there is problems that these colleagues are causing and I genuinely believe they are totally unaware of it.

This is how they operate. The monster will never take responsibility it will always judge, label, blame, and those who are in its control will never ever see themselves as the problem. What we are really dealing with is complete ignorance.

Another thing that “Narcissists” will do is push your boundaries. One of the side effects I’ve noted from doing this energy work is healthier and stronger boundaries. It’s that ability to say no when someone is suggesting something that’s only in their best interests and not yours. A narcissist will use and use people for their own ends until that person is exhausted and spent. Exercising boundaries is imperative to not becoming a pawn in their game. Saying no can be very difficult, I do not enjoy conflict, the monster is also very lazy and will do what it can not to be challenged. So enforcing boundaries can be very challenging. If we do not we are essentially enabling the narcissist to carry on their sick behaviour unchallenged.

I have read a little about the subject, and it seems that all professional advice is to get away from the situation. I will be doing this soon and to be honest with you I feel like I have lost a battle here. My monster (because I still have one) will try and judge me “You’re weak and fearful” but as always it is a voice to be ignored.

I don’t know what words of comfort I can offer in this blog post. I have never before seen up close and personally the likes of this level of monster control. The way these people will lie and manipulate with total impunity has me shell shocked.

The only option I have really had is to work harder on my disciplines, express, express, express! I also do exercises to isolate myself from others energy. As always I’m sure I could do better, but it always amazes me how when this couple even leave the workplace I can feel a dark energy somewhat lifted.

I don’t care to go into how all of this works and what exactly I am feeling, but as I stated before I would say that this is what we label as evil. It is dead real and for me at my current stage of spiritual evolution, very frightening. I say my current stage of spiritual evolution because I foresee a point, if I continue my work, that other peoples actions and energies will affect me a lot less.

The one time I discussed my work situation with my teacher, he advised me to “Open up and show them who you are.” Of course my monster predicted that this would solve the situation. It hasn’t in the way my monster was hoping for. You see, the monster wants to avoid its own suffering as much as possible, it looks for the quick and easy way out, not the challenges that diving into emotions freely offers.

The only solace I can take is that I have indeed shown these people that I am emotionally balanced, honest and professional. They can’t touch that. And I haven't stooped so low that I have sought revenge or resorted to out-and-out lies as they have.

I do not feel like continuing in this now dysfunctional environment, I would say that I have faced the challenges and certainly learnt a lot. Now may be the time to stop clinging to a job that has become unenjoyable. There is a point in all relationships where boundaries come in and we are within our power when we say enough is enough.